By Matilde D’afflitto, Year 12
What does it mean to grow old I asked myself during my youth. Hitherto, this question remains on my mind with an answer still pending. As the years pass by, I notice subtle changes in my appearance and way of being, especially physically, that prevent me from approaching my days as I once did. The creases on my face that began to appear and duplicate over the years once scared me, but now, they’ve become a regular occurrence. Moreover, in the stillness of my mind, I sense my memory becoming smaller and more repetitive, with less and less recollection of what I’ve said or asked. The stubborn feeling of rigidity up my spine, causing me to ache and feel weak to the knees, is definitely troublesome yet bearable. However, compared to the thrilling and engaging person I used to be, I feel weak and vulnerable.
As days go by, life becomes increasingly dull and repetitive. I can’t stop myself from reminiscing about the ambitions and dreams that once lived within me. As days go by, ambitions and dreams slowly fade and vanish. The dream of travelling the world, meeting people, making connections and memories, and knowing someone everywhere I go, might have been a failed delusion. As I age, so do my aches and pains, and the list of medical prescriptions keeps growing. Living what is considered to be a normal life is no longer possible. It’s astonishing how time went by so fast.
Thus far, what still aghast me to this day is the sudden disappearance of my loved ones. It’s challenging to determine what the hardest part of losing someone is at this age. As we get older and closer to the end of the cycle of life, we expect to manage grief and emotions more easily. But that’s a lie. Grief is one of those uncontrollable and intense feelings that don’t go away over time. Whether you miss their sympathetic and amiable presence, which sends you into a perpetual loop of agonizing, desperate, and lonely thoughts with the only wish of feeling their presence and warmth one last time. Or whether it’s the unexpectedness of losing someone without having a moment to say goodbye and look back to cherish all the moments spent together.
Yet there’s no time to dwell on pessimism and regret about the past. Some might even say being negative makes you age faster! Age remains an uncontrollable and inevitable aspect of life. Everyone experiences it and goes through it, some worse than others. In these uncertain times, where you don’t know how much time you have left, you gain a newfound appreciation of everything you have accomplished and lived for. With age comes a new state of mind, wisdom, and perspective that were absent in youth. The challenges that have been successfully overcome in life are treasured. Perhaps getting older truly is a blessing.
