by Ksenia Vlasova-Kuznetsova
I know it hurts.
I know you want it to stop.
I won’t tell you that it’s gonna be OK
because it won’t.
You’ve changed,
So has the world around you.
The walls you built have
Shattered, one too many times.
The vision of a perfect life,
( where you don’t have to struggle,
To wake up every day wishing you hadn’t,
To try and make it through a single day
Without wanting TO DIE),
Have burst indefinitely.
The scars on your body are
The tightropes you walked,
Trying to see how far you could go
Without falling to your death.
I KNOW there’s nothing you
Want more than to
Shake off the heavy burdens that
WEIGH you down like massive boulders,
The responsibilities and past mistakes digging into
Your back with sharp stabs of pain and regret.
I KNOW you want to spread your wings and soar
The blue skies of freedom and peace –
To be untroubled and finally land in the tree of
Love and Self-forgiveness.
I KNOW the only thing holding you back
Is reality.
The reality of your actions hitting your loved ones
Like a million glass shards digging into their hearts.
The reality of your actions being so inconceivable,
Treacherous, outrageous and implausible,
That you put down the pills or the razor.
Because I KNOW that you know
That the pain you live with everyday
Will become their pain,
their regret of not being
Able to do anything,
of not being able to take
Away your worries and suffering.
If I had just 60 seconds to tell you why
You SHOULDN’T,
Or why it’s not worth it,
All I’d say is that
The pain you feel now,
I know it drowns you,
Engulfs you,
Suffocates you,
Makes you want to end your life.
I KNOW you start to feel like you deserve it.
LISTEN TO ME.
You, of all people do not deserve this.
You DESERVE to be happy.
You DESERVE to feel like you belong.
You, one of the purest, yet most damaged people in the unfairness of our world,
DESERVE to not have to cry yourself to sleep,
And you DESERVE to not feel a need to self-harm.
You
Do NOT
DESERVETO DIE.
