Dear Dolly,
My relationship with my father is falling apart. We used to be so close when I was a child, but as I’ve gotten older we’ve drifted further and further apart, and it’s come to the point where I feel like I’m living with a stranger. Every conversation is tense and usually ends with one of us shouting. Even when he makes an effort, I’m so angry at all the other things that he has done wrong. I don’t feel any love for him. Am I a bad person?
X.
Dear X,
There’s a widespread view that you should love your parents no matter what, but what people often forget is that not all parents are good. You’re not a bad person for not loving your father anymore, that’s not something you can control. What you need to address is why you don’t love him anymore. What is it about this man that you don’t like? Go in-depth about what it is that pushes you away from your father, write them down in a list, and provide some examples if you can. Then I think it’s important that you sit down with him and have a mature talk about why it isn’t working. Make it clear from the beginning that you aren’t looking for an argument, that you truly want to resolve this issue. At the end of the day, no matter what he’ll always be your father, but it’s up to the both of you to make that relationship work. If he loves you, and I’m sure deep down he does, even if he doesn’t show it particularly well, then he’ll listen to you and he’ll try and improve as well. Remember to listen to his points as well, what is it that he finds difficult between the two of you? Communication is key, so bear that in mind when talking to him.
Best of luck,
Dolly
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